...is slightly over the top. Would it really have mattered a bit what he scored if England's bowlers couldn't take 20 wickets?
...as it started. With a Kevin Pietersen orchestrated mess. Though in classic Andrew Strauss style as he quit cricket completely he played down the chance to stick the knife in.
...gone in tests. England go into today's one day international against South Africa trying to hang onto their top place in the rankings for the 50 over game but the one that really matters is gone.
...or is it a disorder? What are we left with after these last two weeks of the best Olympics ever but memories and the realisation that all there is now doesn't match up.
...undercooked. Just imagine what an embarrassment for the number one ranked team in the world it could have been if the visiting South Africans were on top form.
...to blow it. But they couldn't just manage it because as with 11 previous Test matches when they have Tim Bresnan in the side they just win even if he doesn't do that much.
...on that? England in subcontinent conditions against a side that had lost one of their previous 15 one day internationals and had just stuffed them three zip in the test series.
...a one day game at that? England beat Pakistan for the first time on this tour. What's going off out there?
...with style. England really put on the style to be whitewashed by Pakistan in the recent three match test series in the UAE.
...to a new level. Just when they were thinking the last test match was just a blip they go and surpass it. I wonder if they'll learn from this or just take the positives.
...yeah I know...they'll probably take the positives from it as well. Is there anyone out there think the England cricket team will learn anything from this humiliating capitulation to Pakistan in Dubai?
...disguise? England yet again stuff India, this time by an innings and plenty, to take over from the visitors as the number one ranked team in the world.
...right up until they got stuffed. With a full house at Lord's for the final day of the opening Test of the series against India it got a bit screechy until the Indians were put out of their misery.
...with a damp meh. Three damp squid test series against Sri Lanka finished appropriately with rain stopping play as England yet again struggled to bowl the visitors out to win the final test.
...meh. A drab, rain affected, test match in Wales was no way to hail the returning Ashes heroes and it looked to be ending in a damp squib until Sri Lanka pulled something out of the bag.