The record was only going to be broken by

..penalties.

In his attempt to surpass Bobby Charlton as record goal scorer for England, Wayne Rooney had to be handed the easiest way to do so with a couple of penalties, that sum him up these days.

In 150 minutes of international football, 60 against the might of San Marino and 90 against a dullard Swiss side Wayne Rooney needed two goals to break the decades old record but quite frankly didn’t look as if he could score in an old folks home.

While others finished with aplomb, Rooney huffed and puffed around for that two and a half hours butchering every opportunity that came his way, until two kindly referees felt sorry for him and gave him the chance from 12 yards.

It was all summed up by the glowing tribute oozed out over the airwaves by Clive Tyldesley. That’s you achievement, giving Clive an orgasm.

In real terms it amounts to the same as Beckham’s number of caps. It’s monkeys, typewriters and Shakespeare. Rooney has hung around long enough to break the record others would have done with that extra 20 to 70 more caps the current England captain has amassed than them.

Rooney says he’s worked hard because he’s scared of losing his place, yet this season has shown he needn’t have bother, as his club form has been inept but that didn’t stop Roy pencilling in his name first on the team sheet, form he took through these two qualifying games. And well, he needn’t have bother trying so hard if that’s the best he can come up with when he does.

Some were talking about greatness, mentioning Rooney in the same breath as Messi and Ronaldo. Really?

In club football, all competitions…
Ronaldo has score 50 or more goals in the last 5 seasons, has passed 20 in each of the last 9.
Messi has scored 40 or more in the last 7, passing 30 the previous season to that run.
Ronney has passed 20 goals just three times, he scored 20 in one.

While Messi and Ronaldo are Ballon d’Ors, Rooney is an out of breath, rug wearing, nicotine stained granny shagger.

Could have been a contender but is now a bum.

Harry Kane has started the season with no goals and with what looks like little confidence, yet look at the difference between the pair each scored in these two qualifiers. Rooney two penalties, Kane two crackers.

Anyway the rest was a standard England qualifying, much like the previous group games, England looking nothing but win against teams they should win against.

San Marino there for the taking but England struggle. One goal comes from someone, Chamberlain, actually getting to the byline and putting a cross in. The great surprise being that he actually does it again, normally when something works so well it’s never seen again, this time Delph Delph’d it.

Against Switzerland, England got off to the best start as the aforementioned Delph pulled up within seconds. Well it’s OK he was going to spend most of the season with Citeh sat on his arse anyway. The visitors when they weren’t looking backwards, a lot of back passes when breaks were on, were hindered by either flag happing linesmen or Defoe style offsides from their front players, who you feel would also be Defoe like when it came to finishing if they ever got the chance.

So England cruise yet another qualification group that’s about as easy as it could get and yet again Roy is talking about winning the whole damn thing, while the rest of us know what’s coming in next summer as soon as they face any real competition.

Well with it being the finals of a tournament we all at least know Rooney won’t be scoring…

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