It looked like England’s hosts believed their own hype in last night’s World Cup qualifier. All they had to do was turn up to win. That’s England’s routine and as with England it didn’t quite work to plan.

A country of 53 million versus a country of 625,000. This was a meeting of two pretty equally matched teams.

Have to admit my viewing was intermittent during the first half – bloody ITV, bloody STV. But what I did see the home side were bloody awful. Montenegro kept gifting England the ball, closer to Joe Hart’s goal they were the worse they got.

It was an easy ride for England. Doesn’t make them world beaters as some would have you believe. Yes they had good possession but what did they do with it? Rooney back to his best. My god he ran about a bit, hit a nice chip onto the post and scored with a free header. You’d think he was Messi the praise I heard.

But with Rooney running about all over the place, Welbeck wide left and Milner on the right there was no one in the box. No focal point.

Milner on the right. Now I’m not as adverse to Milner’s place in the team as many are but his place isn’t as a wide man – I’d rather see him in the middle instead of Gerrard. England are picking players out of position just to cover for the inabilities of others. Milner, only picked as the wide right man because Johnson is inept at right-back. That’s no way to select a starting XI. Oh yes, Johnson can have shots but he can’t defend, you know the job of a defender.

On the other side it’s the same really. Welbeck is chosen for his tracking back to cover for the best left-back the world has ever seen (© English media). I read that Ashley Cole was a defensive rock whereas I kept seeing those in red running past him with ease. Feel Welbeck is wasted out there. He certainly didn’t deserve the yellow card for diving when he was clearly clipped a couple of times.

Two up at half-time though would have flattered England no matter what the pundits said.

One up was certainly an embarrassment for the home side as things were somewhat different after the break. They brought on Damjanovic immediately, well after he’d sorted his hair and just attacked. England were all over the place.

Again England were lucky that when Montenegro got close to Hart’s goal they contrived to butcher everything. Wrong passes, miscontrols, inept shots. But they were running rings around the visitors. Carrick went missing, Cleverly… oh he was playing well if you could disappear more than being anonymous then he did, Gerrrard fannied about giving the ball away and resorting to good old fashioned humps up the park that gave the ball away.

Speaking of humps up the park giving the ball away. Was it Roy Hodgson’s plan or did Joe Hart come up with it himself to kick every goal-kick, or ball out of hand, down the right wing out of touch. Because who ever came up with it must have been pleased with the amount of times it worked.

Despite how poor Montenegro were in the final third it only looked like a matter of time before they would equalise. England just never looked like being able to hold out for a whole half. Especially as the manager stood there apparently clueless that he could change things with substitutions. But then knowing the way he seems to think he would have brought on the likes of Lampard or Parker. Don’t know what would be worse, those players or the status quo.

Of course he could have introduced some pace with Oxlade-Chamberain but that would have weakened the defence.

When it came England gave Damjanovic enough chances to score. Pinball from a corner, what three attempts by the player to eventually put it in. Think he might have had his hair ruffled after scoring. From there you could only see Montenegro winning. Yes Gerrard had his glory shot that failed like so many before.

A win wouldn’t have flattered the hosts. It was a game of two halves but they were far better during their period of domination than England were during theirs.

Roy still says England’s fate is in their own hands. Yes but that likely means they’ll have to beat Montenegro in the return fixture and it’s three games against them now without a victory. Handed yet another piss easy World Cup qualifying group and England are again struggling.

Best you can say is that at the moment England look about as likely World Cup winners as the hosts Brazil do.

Montenegro 1 - 1 England

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It was San Marino, Roy. You’ve have had more competition from Dan Marino. Celebrating like that was just pathetic, so pathetic even the players didn’t go that wild.

This opposition would have struggled on Hackney marshes against a side hungover after a Saturday night piss up.

Said before the game that England need to do certain things:

• Get wide. Width is a killer when you know the opposition will pack the middle of the pitch in front of the 18 yard box. And when you get wide get to the byeline and get crosses in. Top teams struggle with it so this lot.
• Run at them. Pace and dribbling they can’t deal with it. Player’s will either get past their opponents or be taken down, giving plenty of free kicks and maybe some sendings off to create a bit more space.
• Shoot. Bang ‘em in from all places. Does require people to get in the box and pick up the saves, rebounds and scraps but that shouldn’t have been a problem. It’s not like the strikers should have had to track back.

When they did those three things it led to scoring eight goals, near misses and England looking dangerous.

When they didn’t it led to England looking like the guileless, clueless, useless lumps that are perennial no-hopers on the international stage.

Prime example was Ashley Young. When he did twice what he should have done far more often it led first to a goal when he had a shot and secondly to a goal when he got to the byeline, crossed the ball with his left foot, stood up at the back post for Sturridge to head in. The rest of the time he repeatedly came inside on his right as the defenders, even ones this hopeless, expected joining the massed throng in the centre and inevitably hit a defender with his attempted right foot ball.

The predictability of England players is just so predictable. And it was so predictable that when not doing the right things they would struggle, even against such limited opposition.

Opposition that again brought questions about their place on the international stage. Not happy about what ITV said about them. Well I’d have more sympathy if they did something more than the flat back 10 routine because as this showing shows they can’t even do that with any effectiveness. I mean England put 8 past ‘em, hell the likes of Andorra only have 2 or 3 scored against them by England – Steven Gerrard’s greatest contribution in an England shirt in the last decade. So when they manage 8 it puts you right in your place.

Now the joy of Gerrard, Johnson and Cole back for the Montenegro game.

San Marino 0 - 8 England

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Brendan Rodgers can go on about how his side got the deserved 3 points and the media can talk up their favourite team but for two stupid moments it would never have happened.

Hell Brendan Rodgers has to ask himself it it really happened at all. After all Liverpool didn’t win either the passing or the possession, as well as not winning shots, shots on target or corners. So I don’t know how he can claim the win at all.

As well as those two moments of madness half decent officials would have been a help. Yes this is going to be a full on whinge, because I don’t know how Spurs lost this one. Just have to hope they follow it up the way they did after their last loss in Scouseland.

Things didn’t start off well what with Aaron Lennon being out injured, missing his first league game of the season. This led to something bizarre from AVB. Something Redknapp-esk. Shifting players out of position to make up. Dembele shunted out to the right, with Livermore brought into the middle. Now I wasn’t as displeased about Livermore’s presence as many others who forget his good job last time against this lost and his destruction of Everton the last time they cried about his inclusion.

But shifting Dembele out of the middle, where he can have the most influence, was akin to the way ‘Arry used to bugger up Modric putting him wide when he had to make up for a missing winger. It doesn’t work, it was only Dembele’s class that made it not completely suck. You feel Holtby wide, or Naughton at fullback and Walker as winger, or back three and wingbacks would have been the better option.

The back passes started early and no surprise started from Parker. When not creating trouble for Spurs with his inept ponderous pirouettes he was needlessly passing it back and doing that other usual routine of passing it straight back from the player who just passed it to him. So much so that very early on Vertonghen made a very visible decision to stop passing to Parker. You knew he just didn’t want it straight back.

Then after some great play by Dembele, riding numerous dodgy challenges, Spurs had a free-kick in Bale range. Initially curling as you would expect the ‘keeper going to his left, he had to change direction and just managed to clear the ball. More luck than judgement.

Getting into the game. Then letting them into it. Some nice interplay by them on their left, after yet another long ball, but runners were left free, notably Suarez to score at Lloris’ near post. Collective should have done better.

Spurs came back into it and again were dominating but couldn’t make it pay. Sigurdsson should have done better when clean through, again after some nice build up play. You’d think after his recent success Gylfi would have scored. Could do better.

Shortly after Gerrard who had sat on Bale most of the game so far decided to go through him. Wild elbow to the back of Bale’s head, while the Liverpool captain made no attempt to play the ball he was never going to get. While the scouse scum, fans and players, berated Bale for being hit the ref decided it was a foul but that was all. Anyone else and it’s a card, yellow or straight red. Either way if the ref had a good game it would have been red as Gerrard should have been booked for a cynical stop on Gylfi some minutes earlier. Both incidents were blatant and as he gave fouls seen by the ref.

While around the same time Suarez was up to his us tricks. A late snide challenge on Dembele should have been a booking. Then various sniping, stampings, kickings etc, which should have seen him dismissed. Typically laughed off by the BBC, who when not goon are scouse.

Anyway Bale picked himself up and a few seconds after the free-kick was taken, while being jeered as a cheat lofted in a cross for Vertonghen, still up after the set piece, to equalise.

Second half started as the first ended. Bale being fouled, followed by chants of cheat, followed by him lifting a ball into Vertonghen, who scored. This time not with the head but a nice guided shot.

Could have made things safer with a two goal advantage about on the hour. Great charge by Bale leaving Gerrard in his wake the cross found Gylfi whose attempt was saved onto the post. Maybe he should have passed to the open Defoe but the cheek of the striker having a go at someone for being greedy is too much.

In control and then the madness starts. Walker about five yards from the halfway line under no pressure with a couple of outs, humps the ball towards Spurs’ box. It wasn’t even close enough to that. Lloris rushes out and mistimes hitting the ball as it bounced a bit higher than he thought. Amazingly Downing doesn’t miss an almost open goal.

It just gave them the lift they needed. That 3rd goes in and their dead and buried. Keep it as it was and Spurs were in control, they start getting panicky. It’s all good. Gifting them the equaliser changed everything. And led to an equally stupid winner.

Suarez up to his usual scummy antics and they have a free-kick. It’s cleared to Defoe who decides for some unfathomable reason to bang it back into Spurs’ box, where it falls nicely for Suarez for him to fall nicely from a stupid challenge from BAE. Penalty? Yes.

Gerrard scores, doing his usual celebration like he’d actually contributed something to the game. Penalty won and scored by players who shouldn’t have been on the park. Completely glossed over as was the pathetic dive by Sturridge to try and win a penalty that somehow didn’t make it onto the BBC highlights on MotD2. What are the chances of that happening?

They’re going to win the league and AVB is useless again. Spurs, the only decent team they’ve beaten – so much for that great run, all relegation fodder, bar one team who had more than an eye on the cup final – and Spurs gifted them it along with the ref. But I suppose when you’re that poor and David Brent is your manager you’ll cling to anything. Even when you didn’t win the passing.

Last loss in the league, Everton away on December 9th, twelve unbeaten later a loss away in scouseland, a repeat would be nice.

Just cut out the back passes.

Liverpool 3 - 2 Tottenham Hotspur

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With the help of a number of England players.

An aimless, pretty hapless game that shouldn’t give many in England’s qualifying group nightmares bumbled along it’s merry way last night in front of a half dead crowd in Stockholm. Two seemingly equally matched sides, equally adept at giving the ball away, bumbling along until Ibrahimovic decided to prevent England’s first victory in the Swedish capital since 1937.

I had thought it would be better to watch this England side. Full of kids and the previously untried, not too many of the usual suspects that make such games a chore – it could have done with still fewer, Gerrard, Young and Johnson. But the first half hour put pay to that.

A sign of things to come came when Cahill and Hart had a slight misunderstanding which they just got away with.

England’s slackness in passing gave away the first goal as Johnson played Sterling a poor pass, now the youngster was maybe fouled but he is lightweight and knocked off the ball with ease, that didn’t excuse Gerrard standing there with his arm up ell after no whistle had been blown. Gerrard lollygagged back so the overlapping Sweden player out wide had an easy cross. Cualker blocked well from Ibrahimovic’s first attempt but unluckily for him the ball fell back for the striker to guide a toe-poke into the top of the net. Cahill jumping about moaning, yet he the experienced man is not the one covering Ibrahimovic but the guy on his first cap.

After some more playing others into trouble by Johnson, Cahill and Hart tried their part piece once again. Again Sweden couldn’t capitalise.

England’s equaliser came, ironically, from the thing Raheem Sterling did wrong far too much in the game. All night while there was acres of space out wide for him to run into he chose to run inside towards goal, into a packed area that he very rarely got clear from. This time though he played a great ball to Young on the left. Immediately it looked like Young had butchered the move as he did his usual try and turn inside and get the ball on his right. When that failed as the ball got tangled under his feet, he for once decided not to throw himself to ground – it hadn’t worked on the previous few attempts – and actually made space for himself making to the byeline and crossed it with his left. Now I do think the Swedish ‘keeper could have done something about the cross, he didn’t, Welbeck did.

At the time I said bet he [Young} never does that again. He didn't. Bar the few dramatic tumbles it was all he did all night.

After this Gerrard got more adventurous and decided it was Hollywood ball time. I'll give you three guesses how they went.

The lead for England came shortly after as again Sterling headed inside. This time fouled. From the set piece Gerrard actually managed to find a decent ball and an England player as Caulker got on the end of it. Bit unfair on the captain there maybe he had put in a decent free-kick earlier in proceedings - that should get him at least a 6/10.

The game went back to it's inept bumbling for nearly another 40 minutes. Surprisingly Roy made no moves at half-time but as soon as he did so did Ibrahimovic. Wilshere came on after about an hour and immediately stood there with his mouth open and his tongue sticking out. Sure there was dribbling involved.

Was it Ibrahimovic's wild swipe that flew far wide of Hart's goal that led to the chants of your just a shit Andy Carroll?

When the defence was then changed it was time. One chip over the back-line and Shawcross was too far away from Ibrahimovic to play his normal game - pull his shirt, kick him you know the Stoke way - the striker chests it down perfectly for the volley and the equaliser.

The winner didn't come long after, Ibrahimovic's hat-trick, shouldn't have beaten Joe Hart on the side he should have been covering, not from a daisy cutter. It was just one error amongst a few on a night the 'keeper will want to forget. The calls for his head though he's had a bad trot of things though are extremely premature.

His night of course would get worse as Ibrahimovic provided the coup de grâce. A hump up the park is met by Hart's header way out of his box. Not able to get much distance on it you'd still think how far out and wide of the goal the danger was passed even though Hart was barely back in the area.

Ibrahimovic's bicycle kick was audacious, was part lucky but was meant and was brilliant and one of the best goals I've ever seen.

Now have to say I haven't seen much of Ibrahimovic, just some internationals at tournaments and European games for the many top teams around the continent he's played for and he hasn't really impressed. Now you have to qualify it with the facts that it was just a friendly and it was only against England but of the four goals scored - the first player to score four against England in their 915 games, first hat-trick against them since Marco van Basten in 1988 and only the 11th ever - one was really well taken, one was brilliantly taken and one was outstanding to a degree it ranks amongst the best ever.

And as England lost their unbeaten run under Roy Hodgson - the penalty defeat to Italy in the Euros doesn't really count - they also lost the lead of World Cup qualifying group H to Montenegro.

Sweden 4 - 2 England

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* this is other news compared to an incident after the game when I saved someone’s life with the good old Heimlich manoeuvre as they were choking on a partially masticated Brazil nut.

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Steven Gerrard will lead out England tonight in Sweden in the process making his 100th appearance for the country.

It’ll be met, as it has done already, with platitudes and plaudits that don’t merit what has actually occurred in those 100 games. It won’t be talked about in any honest way. No one will ask what has Steven Gerrard done in an England shirt to be worthy of doing it 100 times.

I’ve been posting on here for ages that Gerrard’s exploits on England duty haven’t been worthy of him being picked for the next squad time and time again. Pointing out that of those previous 99 caps you can count the number of decent games – not even great games, just decent – can be counted on one hand. Two of them were against Germany over a decade ago and the others were against the likes of Andorra and Trinidad & Tobago – the latter being achievements against teams that shouldn’t be down on the CV of any England player, never mind one who is captain and about to reach triple digit appearances.

Hell even his chief cheerleader and autobiography ghost writer, Henry Winter, mentions the paucity of Gerrard’s decent performances in a recent piece where he states Gerrard should be classed as good and not a great.

But in another puff piece Winter describes classic Gerrard: self-critical, humble, patriotic, hungry. When the player states that As far as playing for England goes there are 11 heroes [The England World Cup winning XI of 1966]. The rest haven’t really delivered. If they [Moore and Charlton] are 10s [in the ratings], I’m six or seven..

Six or seven? How self critical, how humble what humility. Six or seven? More like two or three. Point for turning up, point for turning up on time and a point for getting the name spelled right on the back of his shirt. That’s about the maximum.

Gerrard’s England career can be summed up by one thing – other than England have done bugger all while he’s played – his passing success percentage. It’s 47%.

So every ball that Gerrard has played for England is not even a 50/50. Now that’s pathetic.

And he’s still been picked 100 times for his country by successive managers that can’t look beyond the name, the media darling reputation and what he’s done for club that’s never been replicated for country.

And they wonder why England fail.

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After all if he’s going to act the part of McClown he might as well dress the part.

Just get the overwhelming sense of deja-vu and that this World Cup qualifying campaign is going the way of Steve McClaren’s doomed single campaign in charge. Uninspiring and lucky with that luck running out come the final reckoning.

But then it’s a sense of deja-vu that it’s just like Svennis and Fabio as well as the McClown.

As Steven Gerrard and Ashley Cole picked up their 99th cap each, it was just that feeling that nothing’s changed, nothing at all. As this game showed again that England players don’t need to perform, there’s no incentive to do so, no reason for them to put themselves out for the national team.

Roy favourites, as with the favourites of Fabio, McClown and Sven, know that it doesn’t matter how poor they are on the field they’ll be picked for the next game. Gerrard is guaranteed, well even more guaranteed than before with possession of the armband, as is Cole no matter that this fallacy of best left back in the world is looking more and more ridiculous – not even best in the squad. But come next year and the next qualifier they’ll both be there, bar injury or Tweet.

And when they aren’t picked because of injury or being rested or protected from suspension the understudies have no incentive to perform because they know whatever they do when the favourite is back available he’ll be straight in.

And so we get games that the one we had yesterday evening.

A game where England couldn’t have looked much worse if they’d gone ahead with the game on Tuesday night, ankle deep in ever increasing puddles. More chance of trench foot than looking world beaters.

It’s amazing to think the sight on Tuesday night, as the rains fell in the Warsaw National Stadium, through the open roof, of the FIFA appointed referee throwing a ball to see if it would bounce on the paddy field, time and time again, wasn’t the most farcical thing that happened this week in World football. No it came fourth.

England’s performance was third topped by what happened to the U21 side in Serbia, as the natives reverted to type racially abusing England’s black players and then the Serbian officials blaming Danny Rose and UEFA charging England over their conduct. Farcical doesn’t quite touch it really, it’s beyond a farce and quite frankly you wouldn’t blame any England player black or white from going back to that country if fixtures work out that way.

So back to the fiasco in Poland. Now this isn’t to denigrate the hosts but quite frankly they didn’t exactly set the world alight either. Good up until the final third then it went to pieces. But even with that it managed to put England in the shade.

Poland happy to sit back and let Lescott, Jagielka, Cole and Johnson pass it between themselves in the knowledge one of them would give the ball away and if not one of them then Gerrard would become impatient at the ball not coming out soon would drop deep and ping one of those Hollywood balls straight for a goal kick. Then if it wasn’t the captain it would be Carrick who over the last two games has given the ball away more times than you’ve ever seen from him.

At some points the ball reached Rooney where he would just give it away as Defoe just didn’t touch the ball what so ever. For the fourth game out of Roy’s 11 in charge, England managed just one attempt on target. Rooney’s off the shoulder number from a corner. Certainly the highlight of his game.

It’s coming up to a decade since Rooney really burst on the scene with his goal against the goon scum for Everton. And yet even with him moving into the top 5 of England’s all time scorers, he doesn’t look the part. Not long in he looks knackered and unfit and he just doesn’t provide any link up play. Back then he looked like the best player since Gazza, now can you really say he’s filled that potential for country. Had a golden spell when he first came into the England side but since then.

The White Pele? He should be up there with Ronaldo and Messi. But no, he’s nowhere near.

Here if he hadn’t been Wayne Rooney he would have had the hook a lot earlier than the 73rd minute and if he wasn’t Wayne Rooney he probably would be picked for the next game. But he is and so like all the big names he’s one of the first names on the team sheet. Unlike at club level where he has been dropped.

And so we’ll keep getting performances like this and if England actually do manage to get out of this group – one of the weakest about – they’ll limp out of Brasil after another embarrassing tournament.

Roy had the chance to change this but no he chose to follow the same well trodden path of his predecessors.

Poland 1 - 1 England

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Hapless, hopeless, outplayed and technically exposed when up against a half decent side – it does take a major side to embarrass them – and ultimately lucky. Very lucky.

All backed up by more ridiculous pronouncements by the manager.

Straight from the off you knew what was coming, as England faced Ukraine in their first home game of the 2014 qualifying campaign, as Phil Jagielka played an England player into trouble with each of his first few passes. There are so few central defenders available to Hodgson who are comfortable enough on the ball to play the possession game. Last night neither on show were. Blind panic often ensues and the ball is offloaded in a haste to someone, anyone, so the ball heads to a player who is closely marked who hasn’t the ability themselves to keep control under such pressure.

The two youngsters who performed in the previous match on Friday against Moldova were guaranteed not to perform here. With Oxlade-Chamberlain in particular you feel that the exuberance, the excitement we want to see from him was drummed out of him for this game by the management. Starting with the criticism of his defensive work. Hodgson cannot have a go at any of the forward player’s defensive inadequacies when he repeatedly picks the likes of Glen Johnson and Joleon Lescott in the back four.

The one player who could add a spark, stamped on. Hodgson compounding it all when he made his third substitution and picked took off the one decent defender he had on, Baines.

The whole game can be summed up by ITV, who at half-time told us it was a great game, when it was mediocre at best. Defoe was unlucky to be penalised when he scored a pretty good goal, when the stiff arm has never been legal in the game. Steven Gerrard was unlucky to be sent off, when he should probably have seen a straight red for his first offence. His second was a shocker. Then Andy Townsend chose his man of the match and his three choices contained three of the worst players on the aprk – only had to add Lescott and Jagielka for the full set. Gerrard, Lampard and Johnson.

Lampard getting the nod, only it seems because Gerrard was sent off. Completely oblivious to the fact Lampard did bugger all for most of the game. No tackling, no dribbling and his passing was nothing. Johnson was a liability in defence, his actual role on the park. All the Ukraine’s dangerous stuff targeted his side. Gerrard was along with Lescott at fault for the Ukraine goal, the glory Hollywood balls were back, some came off, only because the recipient pulled something out of the bag, with an extra stretch or leap. Opponents just ran past him with ease.

Yet another waste of a cap game from him, even before his sending off. Which highlighted another major problem for England as he trudged off – to a standing ovation from the 68,102 crowd – anyone believe that figure? Wide open spaces of red seats, more than 12,000. – You applaud that rubbish then that’s what you’ll keep getting. The red card should have been greeted with cheers of relief, not admiration.

Only player who made a real positive difference on the park for England was Welbeck after he came on.

Yup I’ll admit it I wanted Roy in the job, had done for a long time. I thought he’d be better, different, but when he picks the same old failures and after a game like that comes out with the kind of crap he did…

I was very pleased with many of the aspects of the play tonight. I leave Wembley a lot more confident that we have a group of players who will take this England team to Rio..

I admit I got it wrong, it’s the same old, same old. Another Keggy, Keegle, another Svennis, another McClown, another Fabio. Hopeless.

England 1 - 1 Ukraine

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But you know he hasn’t. You know what he thinks he saw isn’t what he actually did, by he effusive praise of certain individuals and the knowledge they’ll be there against Ukraine on Tuesday.

What he really saw was the established players, those undeserving of their place, there on name not performance, the usual suspects were responsible for nearly all of the possession Moldova had, especially in the first half.

While we were told what a good game Gerrard and Lampard had by their media chums, they repeatedly gifted the hosts the only ball they saw in the opening 45 minutes. Gerrard time and time again lined up and put in one of those over exaggerated side foot passes no where near one of his own players. Using the out of a stare at the pitch indicating a bad bobble when none existed and no one else seemed ready to blame the pitch.

Lampard scored the penalty and ghosted in for the second goal on the night and that is enough to get you a 7 out of 10, aimless flicks and dinks that just lose the ball are overlooked for those two goals.

Joe Hart was another one seemingly cruising on easy street. Number one choice now, no real competition. So flapping at crosses was joined by stupid aimless kicks up the park at the two midgets in the nine and ten shirts. Defoe on Cleverly’s shoulders probably wouldn’t have won some of the balls. With the fact Moldova dropped back and didn’t really press England’s defence there was no reason for the humps up the park. Simple ball out to the fullback, England keep the ball and start another attack or hump up the park and lose it.

I suppose the exception that proved the rule was Lescott. Not quite fully established usual suspect, though he’s getting there – faster than he gets to dangerous defensive situations – when he wasn’t going through his usual dopey Doris defending antics he was playing every pass short. The number of times he played Leighton Baines into trouble was ridiculous.

It was those insecure of their starting place that performed. Baines – though he could have been better, stop stopping when he could carry on to the byeline, probably Ashley Young syndrome with Lampard/Gerrard screaming Me! Me! Me! – yes there was a wicked deflection on his free-kick for his goal but it was still a better set piece than Gerrard put in and far in excess of anything Ashley Cole could do. Cleverley who admittedly against piss poor opposition had a pretty good game, fitting in well into the number 10 role. And Oxlade-Chamberlain who showed how dangerous he can be, would have shown more if he’d listened to Gary Neville’s exhortations from the sideline. Don’t see how he couldn’t hear Roy’s assistant, we all did some 1,500 miles away. He was screaming Get at ‘im! every time the winger received the ball with the fullback to beat. Had him on toast, just cut inside a bit too much.

Roy had to find some fault, has already given the kid a dressing down in the Euros. But quite frankly is a disgrace hypocrisy for Hodgson to criticise the kid for his defensive work when the manager has picked Glen Johnson at right-back. Johnson struck lucky here. He could spend most of the game in the opponents half but what little defending he had to do showed yet again what a liability he is. When you ad in the Walcott factor on that right hand side you see while Milner is picked, it’s to cover Johnson’s inadequacies.

Walcott, oh dear the praise for Milner’s goal. Typical run from him, never in control of he ball and lucky to get it back when it bounced about as he ran into the defender. Then dithering about when he again got he ball in the box and should have shot.

It was also a typical Defoe performance, barely touched the ball, when he did he mostly either missed the target or hit a defender. Took his goal well because he didn’t have to think about it, just swing his leg on an excellent through ball from Oxlade-Chamberlain.

Put Milner in the middle with Carrick. Pick a better right-back and central defensive pair and decent winger, you might have the start of a good side who would be worth watching. But Roy will be sticking with the same old guard and he’ll be justified as this weak group will paper over the cracks.

Moldova 0 – 5 England

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A half full Wankdorf Stadium in Berne suggested no. Even if the Olympics hadn’t just finished there still wouldn’t be much interest in this game, many probably didn’t bother because the big names were missing.

The irony being that even though it wasn’t as good a performance as many in the media are trying to make out it was far better than we saw from those names at the Euros earlier in the summer highlighting exactly where Roy Hodgson went wrong with the tournament.

More should be interested in an England side shorn of scumbags like John Terry, Ashley Cole, minus the perennial underachievers of Steven Gerrard and Wayne Rooney and the out and out bums, Stuart Downing, Scott Parker, Glen Johnson. Playing in a more fluid formation that wasn’t just there to stifle and bore.

Seeing the kind of side Hodgson should have used in Poland and Ukraine playing so much better, though of course in a pre-season friendly rather than a competitive knock out game of a tournament, being the really frustrating part of watching. Yes some may have not been available in June but this far reflected what Roy should have done.

Bar Lampard of course, wasn’t a great corner for Jagielka’s equaliser, was just another aimless floater that he put in for set pieces throughout his time on e pitch. And maybe Ashley Young. Thought Young might have been better last night as Gerrard wasn’t in the team and the United winger plays better without Stevie Me in there. But no it was the Young we saw earlier in the summer, pretty damn useless with things perking up with Milner coming on, providing more than Young and putting in better set pieces than Lampard.

At times it seemed Young’s only contribution was being kicked by he Italian number 13, Astori, who did enough to be sent off at least twice with some shocking challenges but somehow played the full 90 minutes without even a yellow card.

Certainly wasn’t perfect, no Barca or Spain, but ball retention was better, was also no surprise without Gerrard and Parker in there. The problem is even how well Carrick and Cleverly played you know if and when the names are available they’ll be back, after all Gerrard is Roy’s captain no matter how detrimental he is to the side. You can see why many don’t want to be bench sitter, such as Carrick, when the first choice XI are so hopeless.

Defoe. The conundrum that is Defoe. Scores goals like that, looks the part. Then there’s the rest of the game when he’s either offside, unable to hold onto the ball, incapable or just uninterested in playing in other team mates. Looking ever part the impact sub, not a starter.

It offered promise, maybe that’s why Roy didn’t go with it at the Euros, stick with the bums and the fans won’t get too optimistic but you feel he only picked this lot because the ones he wanted weren’t available.

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I never thought they would outplay Italy, I never thought they’d pass it about like they knew what they were doing, I never thought they’d look like a proper football team but I thought with the luck they had previously and if Shearer can actually figure out that it’s “what he did” and not “what he done” then miracles can happen.

When De Rossi’s curler hit the post I definitely thought the luck was staying on England’s side. When Glen Johnson actually did something, getting into the box with some nice interplay, instaed of dithering, and scooped a shot for Buffon to save, I figured they’d nick it. When Pirlo picked the ball six yards inside his area, slowly ambled closer to the centre circle and launched a perfect ball into Balotelli, ineptly being played onside by Terry and Lescott ran up the pitch with his hand up, the Citeh striker dithering until Terry could get back and block his attempt, it’s got England win written all over it.

Even after a decent spell in the Italian half by England when they all of a sudden thought they were one up and reverted to the standard England type and dropped back, gave Italy all the space and possession required. Gonna fluke it.

As Pirlo started to completely control the game, unhindered by any English presence – in fact it wasn’t until extra-time that an England player got within 5 yards of the play maker and that was when Pirlo jumped to take a ball in front of Carroll – and the chances kept coming for the Azzurri there was only going to be one outcome.

As Balzaretti had the freedom of England’s right, expertly found time and time again by Pirlo, all through the second half and then Abate, Maggio and Diamanti took over on England’s left in extra-time, again from Pirlo. It was only a matter of time before England would get the winner. Set piece, own goal, hit of someone’s backside. It was gonna come.

Then when the ref blew for the end of extra-time they were going to double their penalty shoot-out wins.

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I figured Balotelli would miss, what with his perfect record from the spot – he didn’t – Montolivo looked nervous, he did miss, England now 2-1 ahead after Gerrard and Rooney had scored. Up stepped Pirlo, best player by a mile on the night, bound to miss, always the case, but no he didn’t did he, He Panenka’d it. It was fitting and as soon as he did it, it was all over.

Up stepped Ashley Young and pretty much put the seal on his atrocious tournament smacking the bar. But at least he put some effort into the penalty unlike Ashley Cole whose attempt was so pathetically dribbled for Buffon to barely have to make an effort of his own to save it for Diamanti to finally put us out of our misery.

And let the rewriting of history happen and it happened quickly when I was flicking through the channels on SkyNews some berk was interviewing a couple of stunned mullets – fish not Chrissy Waddle hairstyles, why did you chop the mullet before the 90 semi? – and stated that Italy, perhaps shaded it…. Err, perhaps, yes let’s see, they had most of the first half, all of the second half and all of extra-time. Yes that’s just shading it.

Forget Soviet Russia and Stalin’s removal of those out of favour from the archives or Ceausescu in Romania being made taller than visiting dignitaries in photos, or Korean tales of Dear Leader. History can’t be rewritten like that of England’s glorious exits from Euros or World Cups.

I know I bang on about stats being useless if you don’t do anything with them – doing something with possession and attempts rather than doing something with the actual stats numbers – but they don’t exactly tell a tale of England being slightly behind Italy…

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Yes I know the most telling stat is the 0-0 scoreline but just it shows England’s failings that have been there throughout the four games they’ve been pretty damn woeful in during this tournament.

This game was just like the rest. Having none of the ball because of an inability to pass to your own team mate without making it a struggle for them to control the ball. Kicking ball into space, instead of to a player’s feet. Prime example when England actually played a ball into the channels, unfortunately it was Parker playing the ball – is there anyone more limited? – two balls he played were exactly the same, both went of of play with the intended recipient having absolutely no hope of getting on the end. One was to Walcott the other to Milner. Now if Walcott can’t run onto a pass what chance has Milner?

Ten next to Parker you’ve got captain Marvel. Or so his media chums would have you believe. Gerrard, well he did reign in a number of those glory balls and replaced them with bugger all. Some slight running about and tackles. Well from the talk you’d think he tackled anything and everything. Well if that’s the case, Italy joined, France, Sweden and Ukraine in easily bypassing our midfield?

The pair sat there and were useless, as Shearer is calling for the striker’s to stifle Pirlo, how about our midfielders do it? It’s not like you’d miss ‘em.

Funny how they were all clutching at the straw of Pirlo tiring. Yet how many times have they themselves banged on about a team without the ball tires more than the team with it? Pirlo hardly had to do anything to exert any energy to get tired throughout the 120 minutes while still running the game. Gerrard and Parker were knackered.

Defended manfully. Oh Johnson’s getting high marks today. Ball to the Italian left was an easy out all night, Johnson was playing the Cole game. It was all last ditch stuff a lot of it very lucky last ditch stuff. Lescott was deer in the headlights again. Terry got lucky a number of times but he did put his body in front of the ball on a number of occasions. He didn’t Ferdinand – or should that be Gerrard? – out of blocking any shots.

Joe Hart. He’s the only world class player in an England shirt – Rooney’s failings yet again at a major championship prevent him from being included. In a way he was the difference between this and the last World Cup. He didn’t have much chance with the goals conceded, flapped a couple of times but made good saves and never once looked like throwing the ball into the back of his own net. Just he never really looked like saving a penalty either.

It’ll be rewritten as some sort of glorious failure a brave defeat in the face of the lottery of penalties.

It wasn’t it was a piss poor performance by a piss poor team who got lucky with the group – no coincidence that of the four semi-finalists none came from group A or D – and when the luck runs out you are what you are…

England 0 – 0 Italy

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…only ones less happy about it all would be the Germans. That semi could have been a right massacre.

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