...he's the problem. OK so he's not the only problem with the current England set-up that led to the 5-0 whitewash thumping handed out to them by Australia in this Ashes series. But he's the start of it all.
...in Manchester, what are the chances? England sit here on Tuesday morning still holding the Ashes but they could quite easily be sitting there looking down the wrong end of a 2-1 deficit to the worst Aussie side since crying Kim's.
...seen? The only way to improve this Aussie touring side is to get all the old blokes in the crowd and media boxes to don the baggy green cap and get back out on the pitch.
...Ian Bell scoring a match winning ton. Never mind losing, that was somewhat expected, never mind the batting collapse, letting the arch bottler top score when it really mattered is something not many teams have ever done.
...were trying to pull a fast one. England's opening match of the Champions Trophy was also the first of 26 meetings with the old enemy over the next few months. And if they weren't currently rubbish I'd suspect the Aussies were playing games.
...heroes. Funny how England cricket team can stop sucking donkey balls and win a one day international when the pressure is off because the 3 match series has been lost.
...Root. Yet again another England bowler stood on the podium collecting the man of the match award after skittling New Zealand out when they would have been in that position if Joe root hadn't saved England from a batting collapse.
...gone in tests. England go into today's one day international against South Africa trying to hang onto their top place in the rankings for the 50 over game but the one that really matters is gone.
...undercooked. Just imagine what an embarrassment for the number one ranked team in the world it could have been if the visiting South Africans were on top form.
...to blow it. But they couldn't just manage it because as with 11 previous Test matches when they have Tim Bresnan in the side they just win even if he doesn't do that much.
...for ya. What's that now four straight Test Match defeats after gaining the number one ranking in the world. Only England.
...a one day game at that? England beat Pakistan for the first time on this tour. What's going off out there?
...with style. England really put on the style to be whitewashed by Pakistan in the recent three match test series in the UAE.
...to a new level. Just when they were thinking the last test match was just a blip they go and surpass it. I wonder if they'll learn from this or just take the positives.
...yeah I know...they'll probably take the positives from it as well. Is there anyone out there think the England cricket team will learn anything from this humiliating capitulation to Pakistan in Dubai?