…out there.
It came from this weeks Monkey Mag with regards a certain film that may not be one you will want to camp out overnight to see.
Frightening ain’t it, don’t know what’s worse those fixed fake smiles on all four of them or the individual horror of the ginga hag second from the right, the really old scouse slapper next to her, or the horse on the left. Every time I see her I figure someone is going to ask her a maths question at which point she’ll neigh and then stamp out the answer with her hoof.
Shame there isn’t the Family Guy clip up on YouTube where Peter Griffin quite rightly pinpoints Parker’s looks when he says she has a “face like a foot”.
Read an article in a paper recently, I have no idea why, where some old woman wondered why a bloke didn’t want to come back in for a coffee after what she thought was a good date. She used a quote from said TV show to highlight her plight and then brought up many question for why it went wrong. Folks sent letters in giving reasons but not one of them got it right.
Any bloke with anything about him will run a mile when they find some sad old desperate bint quoting from “Hags And The City”.
So there you are fellas, chances are one of the five phrases listed above is guaranteed to get you out of the living nightmare that could be sitting through a movie version of that crap.
This has been a public service announcement.
…and there’s living on another planet.
That’s how I found many football fans up here recently, living in a different reality, thinking that Rangers would win the UEFA Cup last night.
Thankfully for football that didn’t happen.
The team that put as many goals past Bayern Munich as Rangers scored in the whole campaign managed to get past Walter Smith’s usual European formation of 9-0-1, that sometimes converts to a full flat back 10.
It was a struggle for them though, because no matter what the Rangers fullback Papic said about their luck running out their first piece of luck happened just under two weeks earlier when the Russians main strike target Pogrebniak - who himself scored twice as many goals as Rangers - was ridiculously yellow carded with a piece of play acting from a Bayern palyer, ruling him out for the final. Zenit really missed the big fella upfront, Tekke certainly wasn’t an adequate replacement, slow, dithering and ponderous on the ball with no cutting edge to get past the back nine. It’s no wonder Arshavin looked so disillusioned after knocking a few balls into the box.
It really says something about a team’s tactics and abilities when with little under 20 minutes to go and only just going one nil down their fans are in tears. Just before the opening goal, Smith was talking with one of his assistants who was holding a pencil, were they getting ready to write up their penalty takers list? That pencil then had to be put into some real work as Smith along with Ally “to be fare” McCoist scibbled away desperately to come up with a plan B.
The different reality also extended to the TV coverage, when you have the likes of commentary as STV put out you can never complain about another countries biased views on the game. Every miss control by a Zenit player that found it’s way to a Rangers player was a great interception and at the end grudgingly they had to accept that Zenit just about deserved to win the game 
Archie “Wooof there’s the ball” Macpherson is one of the worst people to ever utter crap into a microphone, as he and the muppet next to him kept wittering on about how they should try and keep better possession, since when was that the Rangers game, yeah they might manage it against the likes of Gretna but against better teams it’s a hoof the ball away as quick as possible game.
Best indicator of that and of the player’s whole game was Barry Ferguson robbing the Zenit player only having one man to beat before the a free run at the ‘keeper. What did he do? As soon as possible desperately kicked it away somewhere in the direction of Darcheville, pretty much killing one off their few scoring opportunities.
Oh and there was the penalty, hand ball hand ball hand ball in the penalty area, yes it looked like Broadfoot certainly did.
But on the bright side the fans certainly had a chance to…
take a perverse pleasure from proving they are better behaved than English fans abroad – will aim to maintain their exemplary record in Europe this season- Auslan Cramb
When will Cuellar be signing for Newcastle?
UEFA Cup Final 2007 - Espanyol v Sevilla
